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About Me Member Fantasy Writer xSexyBunniesxFemale/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 11 Months
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Reread. The. Entire. Thing.

Tue Dec 23, 2008, 2:39 AM
I took the time to write it. And rewrite it. And erase it and then write it all over again. You can take the time to read it.

"Setting rules for the roleplay, sort of."
This is ESSENTIAL! It is about the setting and characters. You always have to keep the things in this journal in mind, especially when you're writing for the characters that multiple people control(such as the king, soldiers, etc.)

There are constantly discrepancies between our posts, so we need some background information about the setting!!

Here are the basics:
- The current country they are in is called BELBRII.
- The city they are in is KYRIUS.
- The king's name is BEOLAGH.
- BEOLAGH used to be a just ruler, but after his wife's death he has become increasingly corrupt.
- The QUEEN is dead. Her name was Ciren. She died in a fire a year ago(this relates to CECILIA and CIEL, so Otter will reveal the specifics of the fire later on in the roleplay).
- BEOLAGH and the QUEEN are the biological parents of CECILIA and CIEL.
- CECILIA is a princess.
- CIEL is a prince, but he disappeared from Kyrius a week after his mother died. No one knows where he is.
- DMITRIY is a vampire.
- DMITRIY and Elise are servants of CECILIA.
- DMITRIY has been granted permission to hunt by the king, granted that he doesn't do it on castle grounds.
- LAIROEN is a wingress.
- BEOLAGH wishes to capture LAIROEN so he can strengthen his military power. BEOLAGH has another hidden motive (leave that part to Otter also)(maybe he suspects the Emperor, or whoever his enemy is, to be responsible for the death of CIREN).
- TAYLA is a rogue.
- ISAAC is a mercenary.
- ISAAC needs to ask someone who can shoot arrows to capture the wingress because he can't do it himself.
- ARATHEN is an elf.
- ARATHEN is an amazing archer and will most likely be looked to by ISAAC since he needs an archer to capture the wingress.
- ZIADI is a very capable fortune teller of the exotic Sinti race, one of the few left in the outside world, who presently lives outside of Kyrius.
- ZIADI is trying to warn LAIROEN of the king's attempts to capture him, against Sinti custom, merely because she has a feeling.
- ROSE is a seventeen year old pirate who helps lead a raid on Kyrius' summer castle (beginning of plot).
- TAYLA is an archer as well.
- ARATHEN will refuse ISAAC when asked to help capture the wingress, forcing ISAAC to turn to TAYLA for an archer while ARATHEN journies out to warn LAIROEN, perhaps meeting ZIADI on the way.

The link to the map is here, graciously provided to us by Kitty :D

Background of places:

Belbrii - Belbrii is a country that relies heavily on fishing. It used to own the islands to the east, but the Myrangian Empire slowly gained control of them. The mainland lives in fear of being invaded by the Myrangians, and they are desperately trying to build their forces. Many attacks have been made on the castle in Kyrius(Belbrii's capital city), but they have all been unsuccessful.. So far. War has not been declared between the two countries, just to make that clear. In Belbrii, there has always been a single ruling family, and the crown is passed down through generations. Power is currently granted to descendants of Kaean Ethelstan, a dragon rider who slaughtered the previous ruling family and took the crown for himself two centuries ago.

Therios - Therios is an isolated country where it snows all year round. The area is very mountainous and mostly uninhabited. Mining, logging, and hunting are important. The few villages are self-ruled and independent of one another. The only reason the Myrangians haven't seized the country is because the rocky, frozen ground that dominates most of the country does not have any real value. The king of Therios resides in the relatively busiest city of Shifra, but is no more than a figurehead and exerts no real control over his people.

Myrangian Empire - The empire is constantly trying to expand its borders, but they are tolerant of the people they conquer. The land is largely desert. The people rely on trade to support themselves, and the capital is Dalr(a center of commerce strategically built next to the lake). The demographic varies wildly. People aren't aware of exchanges of power unless the policies are changed suddenly and drastically. Power is passed on to whoever seizes it(tyrants basically). The natives REALLY value strength, and warriors are revered.

Grendara - Another small country that uses farmlands to support it, currently building an army to defend the lands since they fear an attack from Belbrii.

Raotia - Raotia is a great, extremely dense forested area to the north of Belbrii that is mostly inhabited by elves. Local humans believe it to be haunted and normally keep thier distance.

Oros - A very old, peaceful cultural center. Nature is very sacred to the people there, and religion dictates every part of life. The area used to be larger, but the Myrangians took over most of it. The Myrangians decided to leave Oros a small area around its capital in respect. The people are still forced to pay tribute, however.

Felip - Felip is a self-sustained country, though far from isolated. The area is known for its steep hills and extensive rice terraces.

The other areas aren't really important(unless you want to add something in, then go ahead). The continent ended up being MUCH, MUCH more massive then I had hoped for. There doesn't need to be a description for every country. You might also want to fix up the map key.

----------

"THIS IS IMPORTANT. READ THIS."
What the title said. This concerns the plot.

Day 1: King Beolagh hires a mercenary, Isaac, to capture the wingress, so he can use the creature's loric haling owers to make his army invinceable in the upcoming wars. Isaac leaves the castle to catch Lairoen by himself that night. King Beolagh summons Dmitriy right after Isaac leaves. The king tells him to keep an eye on Isaac. If Isaac succeeds in catching the wingress, Beolagh wants Dmitriy to kill him immediately and take the wingress to the castle. If Isaac doesn't get Lairoen in one week, leaks information about his mission, or even suggests that he wants to leave Belbrii, King Beolagh wants Dmitriy to kill him. Either way, Isaac is not leaving the country alive; Beolagh doesn't want his enemies knowing what he's doing. King Beolagh gives him the option to accept the task or not.

((Dmitriy can agree or disagree. Beolagh will reveal his true motives for wanting the wingress, so Dmitriy can decide whether or not its for a good enough cause.))

Meanwhile, Isaac comes close to capturing Lairoen, but fails in the end. He goes back to the castle and tells of his failure to Beolagh. Beolagh realizes they are doing something wrong.


Day 2: The king then goes to ask the fortune teller, Ziadi, where the wingress currently is.
Ziadi sees that Lairoen is on the beach and suggests that the king's soldiers force the wingress in Isaac's direction so he can capture him.
The king leaves, and Ziadi rushes over to the beach to warn the wingress. She can't find him and discovers that he has already escaped from danger. Something else troubles her, though; she sees a pirate ship in the distance.
The pirates attack the city. They kill the King Beolagh and capture the wingress themselves.


That's the plan for the first two days. No changes. I'm sick of editing this. Seriously. THIS IS IT.

--------

"Combining our characters"

We need to find a way to make our characters travel in a group.

- Cecilia's father dies. She doesn't want to be queen because she irresponsible and (insert reason that no one knows yet :O)(the responsibility scares her to death because she is so insecure). Her 17-year old brother, Ciel, ran away to God knows where a year ago, and she wants to drag him back to rule Belbrii. So with a little scrap of knowledge and a lot of assuming, she tries to find him.

- Isaac bodyguards Cecilia on the journey because he, well, likes money. No hidden motives here.

- Dmitriy is proud of his job and will do anything to please the Royal Family. He would follow Cecilia out of the castle when/if that comes up. He doesn't really assassinate people unless they're a threat to someone important to him. He.. wouldn't really pin out one specific person to kill them. Oh, and he wants to eat your babies.

- Kyrian is a thief and a shapeshifter. He doesn't have the balls to be anywhere near the castle, so he doesn't show up until later.

- Taymar is a griffin rider and enjoys to do her own thing. She will meet up with the castle-inhabitants when they move out in a group OR might try to sneak onto the pirate ship while the raid is going on. Sounds like something she'd do. n_n

- Lairoen befriends the people who help him avoid getting captured by Isaac and decides to travel along as a medic-like person, just in case anyone gets injured. That way, his healing powers can at least be used for some good.
(and Isaac will not try to sell Lairoen for money if they travel in a group.. XD I sorta have a way to make that plausible)

- Arathen travels along with them only because he doesn't have a home and feels like getting away from the forest (which will probably be burned in the pirate raid anyway...'cause that's what they do).

- Tayla decides she wants to teach Cecilia how to be stronger (both physically and emotionally). She also wants to try and get closer to Rose so she might have a chance at becoming a pirate.(good thing Rose has a ship comin to her)

-Rose doesn't care much that she helped kill the king, but feels bad that he had been Cecelia's father. Also shares the hurt of losing a brother, but will not admit it. She (if somehow the pirates end up capturing him-plausible because they attack summer castle) frees Lairoen after realizing he is not some animal-he has feelings, but she can't face the captain because his dreams are with the wingress and the plan to ransom the princess. She has nowhere else to go, so when the group comes for the wingress she tags along. Since she only has memories of her sheltered life as Lilia and her life of a pirate at sea, she relishes the chance for more adventure as an outlaw. Secretly, she wants Isaac to teach her how to be an independent mercenary, as the skills will help teach her how to discipline a scoffing crew.

- Ziadi decides to tag along because she feels that this group needs all the help they can get, and her father would say she needed to get out more. She keeps an eye on Dimitriy because he's a vampire and she doesn't trust him. Cecelia asks her to help find Ciel (how do you pronounce that?), but she can't get anyting better than a hazy view, which is not much help (its because he's mixed up in something evil that's clouding her view....its a possibility, anyway). She becomes someting like a second mother to Cecelia, in that she comforts her the most visibly. In addition to everything else, she wants to protect Lairoen because it was her words that sent Isaac in the right direction in the first place.
The other character's destinies, as well as hers, are now intertwined, and as Sinti custom dicates, she must go with them.


----------


Long term plot

What we (Wyvern, Willow, and Otter) decided is that the group wants to kill the princess because they hate the Ethelstan family, aka the ruling family, aka Cecilia since she's the only one left(dun dun duuuuuuuun).

Here's the deal. There's the Myrangian Emperor, ruler of the Myrangian Empire(gasp). The people refer to the emperor as simply "Emperor," always and forever; he's an all-powerful dictator basically. The Myrangians have been trying to gain control of Belbrii for years. They have launched many unsuccessful attacks on Kyrius. They keep failing because while they have a strong military and easily conquered the surrounding countries, their ships suck(the empire grew from the tiiiny trading city of Dalr in the middle of the desert, so they never had the chance/need to grow their naval abilities or whatever, aaand pretend I didn't word that stupidly). Are you staying with me so far?

Okay. Now, news reaches the emperor that King Beolagh died. The end of the Ethelstan family rule? Yayz! But wait- there's that pesky princess.. The emperor decides Cecilia must be captured. He gets a buncha werewolves to bring him to her. He never explains to them why he needs Cecilia kidnapped, but everyone can guess- the people of Belbrii will never accept him as the true ruler unless the entire Ethelstan family is wiped out(the crown is hereditary and is supposed to be passed to Cecilia). That part is set in stone. I am really tired of rewriting and planning and being confused, so that part is SET IN STONE.

Now, for the next part I'm going to rip out a few tufts of hair and list a few options for you to pick from, just because I'm soooo nice and I don't want to dictate everything(though I'd really really like to, just for simplicity's sake). EDIT THE JOURNAL TO PLACE YOUR VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE. This is an honor system thing(not that it would be very hard to guess who "cheated" since there's only four of us :P ). What we have ALL agreed on so far is that the emperor sends four werewolf brothers to capture Cecilia. What we haven't agreed on is the werewolves' relationships, past, motivations, etc. So far, here's what I, meaning OTTER, have heard suggested.

Option A
The werewolves are brothers that travel together. Peasants are unsure of whether this infamous group even exists, but stories are told of them to terrorize children. The emperor hears about them and somehow manages to contact and hire them to capture Cecilia. Since the werewolves hate the Ethelstan family for whatever reason, they agree to help.
Past: they used to be humans and one was bitten by a werewolf, and since they're really close brothers, they become werewolves with each other.

Option B
The werewolves refer to each other as brother, but they are not blood related. The rest is the same as above.

Option C(I discussed this briefly with Kitty, but I don't remember exactly what she said >>" )
Four unconscious young boys are found by a hunter in the forest. He gets his hunting buddy to help him haul the kids to an orphanage until they wake up and are able to tell everyone who their parents are. The orphanage-keepers(?), an elderly couple, let the children rest in cots. The old lady goes into their room later on and finds that the boys are gone. All she can find in the room are 4 puppies. Her and her husband search frantically for the children, but they can't find them anywhere. When they go back to the room, they find that the boys are there again, but the puppies are gone. As time goes on, they realize that the boys are werewolves. They discreetly tell a government official, and word travels through the ranks to the emperor. The emperor decides to raise the four (the 4 are brothers, forgot to mention) to be loyal to the empire.

Option D
Same as C, but the four aren't brothers.

Option E
Make up our own werewolves' past, and have them meet up and band together later in their lives(whether it be at age 4 or age 12410952).

Mark your vote with a slash.

Option A:
Option B:
Option C:/
Option D:
Option E:

OUR ANTI-HEROES

Otter - Emperor: like the Claw from Inspector Gadget. He doesn't appear in the story because he's working behind the scenes. I will control him, I being OTTER. Giving control of one character to many different people has proven to be.. Wellll.. Not a good idea. That doesn't mean I won't take suggests as to what he's gonna do next, it just means you have to pass an idea by me before mentioning in the story(example: you put that the Myrangian Emperor has many sex slaves that he beats at regular intervals. That won't work. >>" Even minor things, like saying that the Emperor has beady green/blue/brown/purple eyes, HAS TO BE PASSED BY ME. Because everyone will be writing something different otherwise, and we'll have one helluva contradictory character). What is known about the emperor is:
* He's been attempting to expand the Myrangian borders. Belbrii's been the target of many invasions for the past few years.
* He has appointed Sorrell, _____, _____, and, the most important member of the group, Zael, to capture Cecilia.
* He's MYSTEEERRRIIOUSS. He almost never addresses the people, and when he does, he is veiled in desert clothing. The emperor has no personal connection to his subordinates; the people only admire him for expanding their empire.
* Conquered people are tolerated. They can even govern themselves, but they must provide the empire with anything asked of them(soldiers, food if there's a famine in another area of the country, etc.) and pay tribute. And the empire is not going to ask something ridiculous from them, like a virgin every year or a GROSS amount of money just because the Myrangians are EVIL. C'mon. The Emperor is smart enough to know how to prevent rebellion, buuuuut in the case that there IS..
* Rebellion is usually crushed quickly under his rule. He's a dictator, but he rewards good deeds as well(especially militaristic achievements; warriors are revered).
* Mythical creatures and magic and all that are not new concepts to him.
* He's not an idiot. The man governs an entire nation.
* He's not socially inept. He's dealed with politicians far and wide and knows how to handle people.

Otter - Sorrell: A werewolf(durr). He's a troublemaker who isn't embarrassed by anything. Sorrell's loud, mischevious, and likes to tease people to no end. He can't stay still and has a short attention span, but he's capable of formulating and pulling off elaborate pranks. Sorrell's wolf form is small and relatively weak, but he makes up for it in speed and cunning. He's built for hiding and escaping rather than fighting. He loves deer.

Kitty - Zael: A werewolf. He is the oldest werewolf (not necessarily the oldest in actual age) of the band of four that is ordered to go find Cecilia. He lives up to the phrase, "silent but deadly". He's dangerous with the sheer strength he has and the stubborn mind that he possesses. He is (perhaps, I dunno) the biggest of the werewolves in wolf form. He's surprisingly conceited and obsessed with his looks as well, and he has a very, very short temper. He doesn't usually talk except to order people around. He enjoys eating the thighs of buffalo. Tasty.

Willow - T'ragus: Most logical and booklearned of the four. He does not regret the choice to stay with his brothers, but doesn't enjoy being a werewolf. The fact that he has to kill innocents disgusts him, but he does it anyway to appease the thirst, and the expectations of his family. He is quiet and thoughtful, and often frustrates his brothers by incessantly questioning things and giving them riddles that he thinks up in his spare time. He doesn't participate much unless his presence is neccessary. Jragus' favorite food is eagle, which are abundant in the ancient forests, even though the bones often get stuck in his teeth. He spends most of his time waiting in trees



He enjoys riddling people, and sometimes his logical mind frustrates his brothers. although the bones stick in his teeth, he enjoys the taste of eagle most, being unusually agile and a little talented in the way of werewolves, stealing up trees at the reddest of hours to snatch them out of thier nests.

------

Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures
*note: not all of the creatures listed exist, nor is all of the information listed about the creatures accurate.*

centaur

chimaera

changeling

cyclops

basilisk

djinn

dragon

dwarf

elemental

elf
–noun, plural -elves
Elves are believed to be the hybrid children of humans and divine beings. They have heightened senses and unmatchable grace, as well as prolonged life spans. Elves usually keep to themselves and live in quiet towns. They dislike associating with humans because they believe that humans are corrupt. Elves have pointed ears and slightly slanted eyes. They are among the most beautiful of creatures. Even the ugliest of the elves is envied for their beauty. Their skin is usually pale and most are slightly taller than humans. They have slender features everywhere on their body and are perfect for agility. Most elves are trained in archery, swordsmanship, and tracking as young children. Select few are found to be gifted and are taken to a special school to be taught further. Elves have unusual amounts of energy and usually need three to four hours of sleep each night to feel fully rested. Elves will not die of long life, but they are just as vulnerable as humans when it comes to weapons. They do not age like humans. They stop growing when they reach the appearance of twenty years old, more or less, and, supposedly, the older they get, the more beautiful they are.

fairy

gargoyle

giant

griffin

harpie

homunculus

kelpie

kirin

mandrake

mermaid

nymph

orc

pegasus

phoenix

pixie

poltergeist

satyr

siren

sprite

undine

unicorn

vampire: (fun facts, may be useful, Kitty)in older, less hollywood-oriented texts, the vampire had dark reddish skin, associated with blood drinking. also no reflection or shadow, believably due to absence of a soul.

were⋅wolf [wair-woo lf, weer-, wur-]
–noun, plural -wolves
Also known as lycanthropes, werewolves are humans that can turn into wolves and, in doing so, gain abilities and senses that exceed those of both ordinary humans and wolves. For a human to become a werewolf, they must be bitten hard enough to break the skin by a werewolf, either in wolf or human form, during a full moon. Newly-made werewolves, or "pups" (which includes older people recently made into werewolves), can't control their ability to change very well and often undergo involuntary transformations while experiencing intense emotions. They usually have no recollection of what they did while they were in their wolf form. More experienced werewolves undergo transformations only at will and can remember and control their actions, though transforming too often or for long periods of time fatigues them and leaves them debilitated.
To tell if a person is a werewolf, check for yellow, slitted eyes, unusually long and sharp canine teeth, and clawlike fingernails. Silver burns their flesh. It can kill them if ingested, or if they are punctured by silver weapons. Wolfsbane is also rumored to repel lycanthropes.

win⋅gress [ween-greh ss]
–noun, plural -wingresses
Wingresses are an extremely rare species that is endangered and constantly being decimated. They are thought to be humanized angels, as they appear to be so. Wingresses have wings that are relatively two-thirds of their body size and must be in order to carry the human-sized beings. Male wingresses are unique in that they have the power to heal. They draw that power from the feathers on their wings, and the lighter the feathers, the more powerful they are, i.e. White wings are the most powerful, black wings are the least powerful. The collor of wingresses' hair mostly matches the color of their wings. Blonde hair means white wings, brown hair means brown wings, black hair means black wings, and red hair means an auburn-colored wing to a tawny-colored wing, depending on how light or dark the hair is. Wingresses have heightened hearing and slightly heightened sight. They are hunted because if one plucks the feathers from the wings (The feathers cannot grow back), they can be ground into a fine powder than can be ingested. The one who ingests will acquire the power of healing. They often act as nomads, moving from place to place and searching for food only at night. They eat only vegetables, bread, and fish. Their stomachs are incapable of digesting red meat.


wraith

wyvern

  • Mood: uNF!
  • Listening to: the screams of zombies from my brother's game
  • Reading: the computer screen
  • Watching: the computer screen
  • Playing: the computer screen(if that's considered a game)
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: O: hot cocoa K: Coke

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Comments


:iconzraya218:
You talk..to yourself? Cx

--
[link] <--OPAW novel
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:iconxsexybunniesx:
No, it's just that there are four people sharing an account. Codenamed Otter (me), Willow, Wyvern, and Kitty. And we tried to collaborate on this story, buuuuuuut it isn't working out. The novelty of writing a story together is gone since we're all tired of having to wait for other people to make a post. x_x
:iconcinnamud:
XD We are four different people.

--
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Join if you like roleplaying pokemon. :3 We're super nice and love new members~
:iconxsexybunniesx:
To Whoever Wrote About Arathen,

Actually, you stole his secret attributes. His main flaws, which you pretty much already mentioned, are his hatred for humanity, his short temper, and his incredible pride. And...yes. I'd just thought I'd point it out that you read my character very nicely. C:

Good job.

-Kitty
:iconxsexybunniesx:
No offense, Kitty, but I don't think it's fair that you tell people their reviews are wrong and stuff when you haven't written one yourself. It kinda annoyed me ever since we started the review thing and you keep reminding me to make a post for Dmitriy, but we keep reminding you too and you won't write two. Everyone else has except for you.

And you're not supposed to comment on critiques. You either accept their advice or ignore it. You don't have to refute the review. The other three of us are just trying to give advice, it's not like we plan on arguing it.

This isn't an attack, we just sayin' how it is. :/

- Wyvern and Otter
:iconxsexybunniesx:
About Arathen,

Your portrayal of the universal elven character is sound. Also, the mentioning of his former slavery places a strong foothold for a twist in his character. Furthermore, the physical description leaves nothing to be wanted.

However, he seems to have an unusual amount of pros to his makeup. As noted in the two quotes below, he seems to be lacking in nothing a hero is wanted of. The problem with this is that it leaves no room for a flaw that will make him a truly workable character. He will overcome all his obstacles, and he will have no endearment.

I think that such a flaw could be developed in his memories as a slave. This memory has the makings of the origin for a burning hatred of the human race, which would be a major factor in his decisions. His hatred spawns pride. Pride goeth before the fall. Not that he will fall, unless you so wish it. Think about it?

And where and why did he learn swordplay? One would think he had little need for a blade...it would not be unwise to annex this detail.

-sniff



"After all, he was strong in endurance and... everything...gifted and successful, even for an elf...elves were naturally extraordinary in intelligence, strength, and beauty...Arathen was even better...young, too."
"...overly handsome...also an excellent fighter and extremely quick-minded...most likely the best archer in the area..."
:iconxsexybunniesx:
About Cecelia,

I can understand her character very clearly - she has an extremely crippling lask of self esteem which makes her the perfect tragedy, yet her position as the princess gives her character such great potential for a riveting story.

However, she does seem a little too weak to be considered likeable. Pitied, yes, but slightly annoyingly so. Perhaps you could hint at an unusual skill or unbecoming part of her personality that she would deem unimportant or irrelevant, but when revealed it becomes a powerful catalyst in her success. Or downfall. Whichever it will be.

-Your "you-know-what"
:iconxsexybunniesx:
About Dmitriy,

I think he's a good character and that he has a lot of potential to have a really important role in this story. I see that he's discreet about his hunting and that he's loyal to the king and what his basic personality it like. He's a very sturdy character at the moment, and it's clear what his intentions are. Overall, you've spelled him out pretty nicely to our readers, if there are any.

You should, however, go more in depth to his personality and describe things like what he fears or what he loves or what gets him angry easily. Does he have any big weaknesses? Does he have any big strengths besides fangs and night-vision? We also need to know about his past. I know we haven't posted more, and everyone's pretty much saying this, but the past is important. It develops our characters' futures.
And now I sound like...Dr. Phil...or something...
But anyway, work on his personality a bit more and keep him a solid character like you have so far.

Lastly...He seems like he'd be a good war general. He's strong and he's got lots of logic. I like that. And the fact that he's a vampire is cool, too. :3

-The Pope
:iconxsexybunniesx:
To Tayla,

Out of all your characters, this one is the most realistic. :3 Not the most relate-able to, but she's realistic. She's arrogant, independent, and knows her own worth. She seems streetwise and, despite being a whore, has a sense of pride(an interesting contrast).

What I can suggest is make her more dynamic. You hinted that she takes care of her loved ones when she left the necklace for her mother, but it seemed like Tayla believed she was doing her mother a favor rather than giving it as to her as a well-deserved gift. Also, why don't they live with each other? Tayla doesn't communicate with her, but she still left her mom a gift. Why? Does Tayla love her mom but feels ashamed of herself? You don't have to explain EXACTLY why right now(in fact I suggest you don't), but I think Tayla should have felt some emotion linked to her past when she left the necklace on her mother's window sill, just so the reader has a clearer idea of what's to come.

On the other hand, her personality is fun and refreshing. Usually touchy, deep subjects like sex and death are brushed off as 'no big deal' to Tayla. She breaks out of cliches, and her flaws don't prevent her from becoming an endearing character. Keep it up.

-Easter Bunny x3
:iconxsexybunniesx:
About Ziadi,

She's a well-balanced character as far as I can see. I like how you mentioned just enough about the Sinti to give the reader an idea yet leave them wanting to know more. We can already see Ziadi as a person, but we know that there's more to her.

I don't think anything is left to be desired with the actual character. Maybe your word choice could be more.. sublime? Instead of blantantly saying he had an "evil grin" you could say something that suggests evil-ness. Or you could use other body language to suggest evil intent. For example, you could have had the king slowly rub his hands together.

Ziadi's personality emanates from every aspect of her: her lifestyle, the way she speaks, and even her clothing. All of it agrees beautifully. She seems like she has a strong will, but sometimes her beliefs come into conflict with her obligations. She's witty though far from blunt. If that's what you were going for, you nailed it.

- By Willow :3 Kidding.

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